‘whether it is a last effort or a first step, it is the determined life that lives’

 

©Lives for Living 2011

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Counselling, Psychotherapy & Hypnotherapy

Private Practice, Bolton, Greater Manchester

Lives for Living

What is self-esteem?

 

Some people think that self-esteem means confidence – and confidence comes into it – but it's rather more than that.

There are any number of apparently confident people who can do marvellous things but who have poor self-esteem.

Many people in the public eye fall into this category. Actors, comedians and singers in particular can glow with assurance on stage, yet off-stage feel desperately insecure.

The word 'esteem' comes from a Latin word that means 'to estimate'. So, self-esteem is how you estimate, or regard, yourself.

To do that, you need to ask yourself certain questions.

• Do I like myself?
• Do I think I'm a good human being?
• Am I someone deserving of love?
• Do I deserve happiness?
• Do I feel deep down that I'm an OK person?

People with low self-esteem find it hard to answer yes to these questions. Perhaps you are one of them. If so, what can you do?

How can you improve your self-esteem?

You can begin by accepting that you are certainly not alone. Masses of people have this problem.

Secondly, take on board the fact you're a special person – and that there's no one quite like you.

Not only are your fingerprints and DNA different from everyone else's (unless you have an identical twin), but your mind and how it thinks and operates is totally your own.

This means that out of almost 7 billion people in the world, you are a one-off. So if nature has bothered to make you unique, don't you feel you should accept that you're important, and you have as much right as anyone else to be on this planet?

You have other rights, too. One of them is the right to make mistakes. Don't forget that 'to err is human' – and most of us learn through getting things wrong before we get them right.

Furthermore, we have the right to respect ourselves – and to be respected. Finally, and perhaps most important of all, we have the right to say yes or no for ourselves.

Put behaviour in perspective

It's not healthy to condemn ourselves because of one aspect of our behaviour.

Sometimes we feel we are 'no good' because we have failed an exam or lost a job, or we have been unkind or because we are having an affair.

All of us have many aspects to our personalities, and our current behaviour is just one of those aspects.

Try not to believe that the whole of you is hopeless, unkind or a failure, when really it is just one part of your behaviour that may – or may not – be these things.

Halt destructive thoughts

Many people with poor self-esteem think they're not very important and their views carry no weight. Is this you?

If so, try to stop these destructive thoughts because if you go around believing them, you'll encourage other people to believe them too.

Instead, start thinking of yourself as someone who has rights, opinions and ideas that are just as valid as anyone else's. This will help you to improve your self-esteem.

 

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